How to Simplify When Your Spouse is Not on Board

When asked what is the biggest struggle you have with decluttering and minimizing your home, an answer I hear over and over again is that my spouse is not on board. It can feel very hard. I know this because I’m there with you.

You see one of the positive traits my husband has is that he tends to be very sentimental. Unfortunately, much of his sentimentality is tied to physical possessions. We have a small child-size drum set in our garage that he purchased for our own kids many years ago. Our kids rarely played it, as they outgrew it rather quickly.

I recently mentioned, that perhaps it was time to get rid of the drum set. My sentimental husband responded, “our grandkids might want it”. Mind you, our children are still full-time students and not even dating.

We honestly still have the tree trunks from every Christmas tree we’ve had over the years. He insists on keeping them because one day he’s going to carve something with them.

So I totally get it, you are dying to clear your home of all the clutter, but your spouse is not on board. You are done, exhausted overwhelmed, ready to start simplifying yesterday. However, your spouse, well, not so much. Maybe he doesn’t exactly mind you trying to live with less, but he doesn’t exactly help either.

It is hard when your efforts are not supported. When your spouse is not on board, it is even harder because you expect them to be your biggest supporter.

Thankfully, I have good news for you, hard does not mean impossible. If you have a genuine desire to simplify your life you can still do it, even though your spouse is not on board. No, it probably won’t look exactly as you would like it to, but you can still reap the benefits of a life of simplicity.

Here are five positive ways to pursue simplicity and decluttering when your spouse is not on board.

1. When Your Spouse Won’t Declutter Lead by Example

Just because your spouse is not on board with your desire to live clutter-free, don’t give up. Make certain that you’re regularly decluttering your own personal possessions. Also, it’s vital to make sure that you are not out shopping and bring new stuff in that you don’t need. If you’re struggling in this area, here are some very practical tips to help you stop buying things you don’t need.

A word of caution, you need to genuinely be seeking to simplify your life and accumulate less stuff. You also need to be purposeful about filling your life with the things that truly matter, to you.

As you do, trust me your family is watching.  They will notice the change in you and this will naturally impact them!

Let your family watch the value you add to your life by seeking less. They will see first hand, the decrease in the stress you carry. When this happens, your family and your spouse will become much more open to living a simpler minimalist lifestyle.

 2. Negotiate a Clutter-Free Zone With Your Spouse

If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by the amount of stuff your spouse is insisting on keeping, try to negotiate a clutter-free zone. This is one area or one room in your home, you and your spouse agree will be a clutter-free zone. Having this space will give you a place to go to clear your mind.

You can also do this in reverse. You and your spouse can agree that there will be one room in your home that is exclusively your spouse’s. Think man-cave here. Our laundry room is actually the size of a small bedroom. We put the washer and dryer out on the back patio and turned the laundry room into my husband’s man cave.

The photo above is a picture of our laundry room, transformed into my husband’s space.  He has a place that is all his own. He is able to display all his collections and decorate however he wants to. I don’t have to be concerned with the clutter in that room because it is exclusively his room.

In addition, I have assigned a shelf, or more recently, a basket that is exclusively for my husband. Anything he leaves lying around the house gets placed in the basket. This way I don’t have to bug him about putting stuff away and he knows right where his stuff is.

When you know that you have one area you will not have overrun with clutter or overwhelming you, it will be easier to accept your spouses desire to hang onto their possessions.

3. Do Not Declutter Your Spouse’s Stuff

Do not touch their stuff. Let me say it again, do not touch their stuff. One of the hardest things about living with someone who doesn’t share your passion for living simply is resisting the temptation to get rid of their stuff when they’re not looking.  It’s equally hard to accept their reasons for keeping it, they may even feel nonsensical.

Believe me, I know it can be really hard. I admit almost any time I open our garage and look at all the things in there I can’t help but see it all as junk. Unfortunately, I have also referred to it as junk when talking to my husband, then I wonder why he’s not open to the things I have to tell him.

If we want anyone to be open to the things we have to say about minimalism, decluttering or simplifying life, we must treat them with respect. This is especially true when it is our spouse. Getting rid of their stuff without permission and/or referring to their stuff as junk is anything but respectful.

When your spouse knows that you’re willing to respect their belongings, and most importantly their feelings concerning their belongings, they’ll be so much more open to listening to your suggestions.

4. Don’t Give Up On Your Spouse Coming Around

Take a minute and think about the process you went through, or are going through, in decluttering your own personal stuff. In that process, were there times when you picked up an item that you knew you had no real use for but were not ready to give it up? Did you find that sometime later, during a subsequent decluttering session you were suddenly ready to let the item go? It very well may be the same thing with your spouse.

If the first time you approached your spouse about getting rid of an item and you were met with a resounding no, this doesn’t mean they’ll never give that item up. It’s very likely that they may be willing to let go of more stuff, later on, the same way you did.

The key here though is not to nag. You don’t want to regularly ask your spouse to get rid of things they’ve already told you they want to keep. Even if you’ve come up with a new reason your spouse should get rid of their stuff, you might still be nagging if they’ve already told you no.

Rather, try a gentle encouragement and be willing to accept their answer, even when it’s the one you don’t want. This will go much further than an argument on all the reasons they should get rid of their stuff.

5. Remember Why You Want to Simplify & Declutter

Why are you pursuing a minimalist or simple living lifestyle in the first place? It’s understanding that by living with less you gain more. More of what you gain is time for the relationships that matter to you. You realize that stuff is not more important than your relationships. With that being the case, the last thing that you want to do is allow stuff to harm your relationships.

Whether it is by accumulating too much stuff or seeking to eliminate stuff you already have, value the relationship with your spouse more than the stuff.

When you are married, life is not all about you and your wants and needs, you know this. While it can be hard to consider your spouse’s needs above your own, it’s important to remember that it’s not the end of the world if your spouse wants to hang onto their stuff.

You can still simplify your own life and in the process improve your relationship with your spouse. As you simplify your own life, you’ll have more time to dedicate to your relationship. Remember this is your why!

Minimalism and simple living are not about the number of items in your home. It is about creating an atmosphere where what truly matters is fostered.

What about you, do you have any tips for dealing with a spouse or family matter who does not share your desire to live a simpler life? Let us know in the comments.