Life Lessons Learned From The Day I Failed As A Mom

October 31st, Halloween night.

She was in the third grade. We had put together an adorable angel costume and dressed her up in it that morning for school. She really did look like a beautiful little angel. When I dropped her off, I promised I would pick her up from after-school care early so we had plenty of time for trick or treating.

I got to work and let my boss know I needed to leave 30minutes early so I can take my kids trick or treating. As I left the office, I head for the canyon road I always took to get home. I reached Coldwater Canyon and the traffic was barely inching along. Oh great, I thought, I am going to end up getting home at the normal time.

The traffic was moving slower and slower, suddenly panic began to set in. I need to pick up my daughter from school and then pick up my son from preschool, on the other side of town. Both had to be picked up by 6:00 pm. If this traffic doesn’t move, I’m not going to make it.

I was trapped on the canyon road. As I watched the minutes on the clock tick by, I became more and more anxious. Finally, I called my husband, he needed to go pick up our son from preschool, I wasn’t going to make it in time.

My husband was now stuck in traffic as well. As the clock raced and the traffic stood still I quickly called my daughter’s after-school program to let them know I was stuck. The girl was so sweet and assured me it was okay that she would wait with my daughter. I felt a little better, but not much.

It was 6:30 by the time I finally reached the school, 30 minutes late, not at all early. I jumped out of the car and ran to the after-school bungalow.

There she was, the only one left, dressed in her angel costume, her friends were already out trick or treating. Tears started streaming down her face when she saw me. I had ruined Halloween. I was the worst mom ever.

It hurts to fail as a mom. Our hearts break to think we’ve let our children down and the guilt can be overwhelming.

In these moments it’s hard to see that such failures can actually make us better. There are in fact valuable life lessons that can come from our failures. These life lessons show us that our failings do not make us failures.

1. Understand What Failure is

Sometimes our failures aren’t really failures. Rather, they are unreasonable expectations we have placed on ourselves. I had no control over the traffic that evening. Things happen outside our control and our expectations are not met. It does not make you a failure, it just means you pick yourself up and do the next thing.

2. Failures Cause Growth

Have you noticed that it’s only through our failures that we grow? When things are going well, we keep doing it over and over again. You don’t fix something that is not broken.

But when we fail, it gives us an opportunity to learn valuable life lessons. These life lessons help us to grow stronger and persevere through our failure. We learn to combat our fears and keep swimming forward.

3. Failures Force Reflection.

A failure is an opportunity for personal reflection. Ask yourself, am I doing what I should be doing? Is there something I could do differently? What other avenues can I pursue?

As we reflect back, we may see areas where we can change or improve. But ultimately we will see that our failures and mistakes are not who we are.

I know that even the most amazing moms have their stories of mom failure. It is the entirety of their childhood that shapes your kids. Their whole childhood, not just a single moment makes your kid who they are.

That major mom failure that dreadful Halloween night did not define who I am as a mom. Just as God’s mercies are new every morning so is your opportunity to learn valuable life lessons from your failure.

4. Failures Shows us Our Need

We often fail when trying to deal with circumstances outside our control. I had no control over the traffic that Halloween night, maybe your fail involves having no control over your kid throwing a tantrum at the most inopportune time. Perhaps your failure came after a night of no sleep or a day of no rest chasing after your kiddo’s all day.

When our failures come in these circumstances there is nothing we can do but apologize and pray. It is during these times we see that we need the Lord’s grace or the support and encouragement of our spouse or friends.

Too often we try and do it all on our own, but we need to reach out. It’s okay to need help.

5. Failures Teaches us to Accept Forgiveness

When we are the ones who mess up, it is us that must apologize and seek forgiveness. Asking for forgiveness is humbling, but accepting that forgiveness is hard. I think it is so hard because what we really need is to forgive our self. Remember, that guilt you’re holding on to does not make you a better person or a better mom.

Learning how to humbly accept forgiveness is a valuable lesson.

6. Failures Help Us Grow in Grace

Much like forgiveness, it is so much easier to offer grace than it is to show it to yourself. However, the truth is that we all have been created with unique gifts that carry their own unique strengths and weakness. None of us are going to be able to do it all, all the time.

It’s ok to drop balls and mess up once in a while, everyone does. Learn to show yourself grace the next time you have a major failure.

The image of my daughter dressed in her angel costume with tears streaming down her face may be forever etched in my mind. But as I look at her today, I see a beautiful young woman, loving her college years, loving the Lord and yes loving her mom!