Overcoming The Decluttering Mindsets Causing You to Struggle

One of the biggest things that sabotage our decluttering efforts is our mindset and how we think about our stuff.  Learn how to recognize the decluttering mindsets that may be interfering with your decluttering efforts.

The simple truth is that battling clutter begins with our thinking. This means we have to battle clutter by renewing our thinking and creating a new mindset.

When you get clear on what you want from your home and life and make a conscious effort to work towards that vision you can let go of anything that is not serving you or your vision and values.

However, before you can get clear on what you want from your home, and the ways in which you want your home to support your life, it’s important to examine some of the thought patterns that may be holding you back.

Why Your Mindset Matters When Decluttering

How you think about things determines how you feel about them. These thoughts, feelings, and mindsets shape our actions and decisions in life. In other words, what you do is largely impacted by what you feel. And it’s a repetitive cycle. What you feel greatly affects what you do and what you don’t do. 

It all comes down to the fact that clutter is a mind game. Clutter starts, and stops, in the mind. THAT is the biggest reason why so many people struggle getting rid of clutter and keeping it away!

Without working on our decluttering mindsets, what happens is that we get 15 minutes, 15 hours, or maybe even 15 days into decluttering and then give up. Even worse, is that in a very short time the clutter returns despite all our hard work. The end result is a feeling of hopelessness. When the clutter returns we feel like we got nothing in return for all our hard work.

All this means that our mindset can be our greatest source of strength or our biggest stumbling block. 

If you feel like you are spinning your wheels, trying one thing after another only to fail every time, or if you’re tired of not having the time for the things you want to do, we are going to change that.

Decluttering Mindsets That Cause Us to Struggle

It’s important to start looking at some of the most common decluttering mindsets that cause us to struggle. This is not a comprehensive list, but it’s a good place to start. This list will help you determine exactly what mindsets you currently have that may be affecting your ability to work through your clutter.

1. Tying Your Identity to Your Stuff

At some level, all of us have tied a portion of our identity to our stuff. It’s why we feel emotionally connected to our stuff.

The first way we do this is by keeping or buying things because they represent someone we want to be. We use these items to signal to ourselves, and others, who we want to be and where we want to belong.

I remember when I first stopped practicing law, I packed up all of my suits and placed them in the garage. At this point, I had just planned on taking a year or so off. I told myself I needed to hang on to those suits.

However, as time went by, I knew I did not want to go back to that lifestyle. Yet every time I came across those suits I couldn’t quite bring myself to get rid of them. I spent years building a career and being a lawyer was a big part of my identity. And that identity was represented by that box of business suits.

While I was much happier in my current season of life, I was also feeling like getting rid of those suits was getting rid of a really big part of myself.

Because the things we own tell a story about both who we are and the type of person we want to be, letting go is not easy.

With our identity tied to our possessions, the struggle to declutter our home is complicated. When we let go of things, it can feel like we’re letting go of a part of ourselves or even someone we want to be.

Buying organic food or eco-friendly items might make you feel like a “good” mother. Buying books may make you feel smart or like you’re being intentional in shaping your life.

So you see decluttering your home, sometimes has nothing to do with motivation or discipline. You’re perfectly capable of doing the actually decluttering and simplifying your life…

But here’s what you have to remember, letting go of your stuff does not change who you are or impact who you become.

When I finally let go of all my business suits, it in no way changed who I am or what I was pursuing in my life. In fact, it was through letting go that I was able to fully embrace the life I was creating. After all, being true to yourself is key to creating a life you truly love.

 The more you understand who you really are, the less you’ll be tempted to hang on to things that are no longer serving your true self.

2. Holding Onto Negative Thought Patterns

When we look at our mindset, we have either a positive mindset or a negative mindset. And let’s face it, a negative mindset is never going to serve us well.

When it comes to clutter in your home, negative decluttering mindsets often reveal themselves when we have trouble starting or finishing a project. It may show up in feelings of overwhelm or by talking about wanting to declutter but never getting around to making it happen.

This is because negative thought patterns are interfering with accomplishing your goals for a clutter-free home. What all this means is it’s important to start recognizing negative thought patterns so that you can begin to defeat them.

Decluttering Mindset Patterns to Watch For

First, let’s look at some specific negative thoughts we don’t always recognize as holding us back from decluttering. I want you to think about how often you find yourself saying the following:

• I don’t have time to declutter
• Decluttering is too hard
• My family won’t get rid of anything 
• I’m hopelessly disorganized
• I don’t have the energy to declutter
• No matter what I do it’s never going to change.
• I’ve tried but I just can’t do this
• I should be better at keeping up with my home

In addition to the phrases above, watch for use of restrictive language. Phrases like “letting go” “get rid of” make us feel like we’re giving up or losing something.

Another common pattern of negative thinking that’s important to pay attention to is an all-or-nothing decluttering mindset.

This kind of thinking allows for no middle ground. For example, if you started decluttering one area of your home and it didn’t go as planned, it was “a complete failure”. Watch for use of words such as “always”, “never”, “nobody”, “all the time “. 

When we’re not consciously aware of these mindsets they invade our actions and become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The result is consequences that leave us feeling defeated, frustrated, or guilty. It may even cause panic or dread at the thought of clearing the clutter.

Letting Go of Negative Mindset Patterns

Put plain and simply, negative decluttering mindsets are exhausting.

When you start to feel anxious, upset, or hopeless, it’s a signal to pay attention to what you are thinking about. This is often the hardest part of decluttering, but taking responsibility for your feelings, and understanding you have the power to change them, is the fundamental key to success.

Understand that when you tell yourself negative things, it is something you are believing at that moment. However, just because you believe something doesn’t mean it’s true.  In our heads, they
seem like they’re true, but they’re not!

For example, I come across clothing in my closet with the tags still on that I never got around to returning and never wore. I can be upset with myself for wasting money and tell myself I’m irresponsible. Alternatively, I can say, “Things have been so busy lately, but I’m doing the best I can”. “I can pass this on to someone who needs it.” 

This new mindset allows me to declutter those things not serving me rather than holding on to them out of guilt. 

When you develop the skills to recognize these negative thought patterns decluttering your home becomes so much easier.

3. Perfectionism

Perfection isn’t achievable. Yet, we still strive for it and then we beat ourselves up when we don’t achieve it.

Many people believe that a perfectionist would never have a house full of clutter because, after all, they would want their house to be perfect. Actually, the opposite is true. Perfectionists need to be prepared for all the things. This makes it easy for them to have extra items they don’t use but hang onto just in case.

In addition, while a perfectionist’s house may look clean and put together, the clutter is just hidden away in closets, drawers, and cabinets.

In fact, hidden clutter is a sign that you may be dealing with perfectionism.

Perfection is a tricky thing when it comes to decluttering mindsets. There is a deep desire and need for things to look perfect on that outside, driven by a need for acceptance. However, the same desire can prevent us from having the home we truly desire, one that is clutter-free!

You see, with perfectionism, if you can’t do it absolutely perfectly, you’re likely never to start or fail to finish.

This makes it hard for perfectionists to miss a day or two of decluttering tasks and then keep going. Soon they stop trying altogether. But if you’re able to look past the imperfect days, you’d see how much you actually accomplished in the prior days.

Perfectionists also try to add on additional tasks that distract them. Because they want the space they are working on to be perfect, instead of just focusing on clearing clutter, the next thing you know is they are deep cleaning and decorating. This leads to overwhelming and exhaustion, which leads to doing nothing instead.

Ending The Perfectionism Cycle

If you’re constantly striving for perfection, taking big projects and breaking them down into actionable steps is essential.

For example, instead of focusing on decluttering the entire kitchen, start with your countertops, or even a single drawer. Successfully decluttering one small area motivates you to take further action. In the end, you’ll spend less time planning and making everything perfect.

Even if you can’t get it done in one day, you are taking one step a day toward completion. If you can just make things a little better rather than making it perfect it’s a small mindset shift. Asking yourself how do I make this better, will take you much further than asking how do I make this perfect.

I promise you, you don’t need to be perfect to be successful in anything.

4. Decision Fatigue

The one thing that makes decluttering so difficult is that it involves making a lot of decisions. And decision-making is very exhausting without a clear plan or purpose.

While you may know that you want to let go of a lot of things, how do you go about
making those decisions as to what to keep and what to get rid of? Do you know exactly what you’re trying to accomplish by decluttering?

Without clear answers to these questions, simple decluttering tasks become overwhelming. Why – because you’re trying to think through all of these decisions without knowing what you’re ultimate goal and vision is for your home.

The result is hours spent hemming and hawing over every single item. Soon everything feels important and it feels impossible to decide what should stay and what should go.

Facing all of these difficult decisions makes you want to throw in the towel. Decluttering becomes too much so you give up altogether rather than do the mental work of all those decisions.

Decision fatigue is real, the more decisions we need to make in a short period of time, the more the quality of those decisions deteriorates.

If you’ve noticed that you were making real progress when you first started decluttering, but as time went on, you started to feel overwhelmed and found it easier to close the closet door than to deal with the clutter you are most likely struggling with decision fatigue.

Easing Decision Fatigue

Decisions become easier when you create a clear vision for your home and get clear on your “why”. This will help you be more mindful of the decisions you need to make. You’ll be less overwhelmed by the emotions that come with making decisions because you’ll have your purpose in clear sight.

For an example of what this looks like: before I started decluttering, I knew I wanted to reduce the amount of plastic in my home. This meant I had a clear guideline for decluttering dishes, drinkware, and food storage containers.

I did something similar with bed linens, I knew I wanted the bedroom to be a sanctuary for relaxing and comfort. 100% Cotton bedding was what I prefer and the decision was made to have two sets of linens for each bed. This also meant we needed good quality bedding that could hold up to more frequent washings. Anything that did not meet this criterion had to go.

This actually left me with one set of sheets for my bed. So when I went shopping, I knew exactly what I was looking for. I avoided making an impulse purchase or buying something just because it was on sale.

Creating these types of guidelines ahead of time is exactly how we become intentional in our decision-making and not lose focus of what our vision for our home is.

5. Self Sabotage – Hold on To Stuff for the Wrong Reason

We Sabotage our decluttering efforts when we hold on to stuff for the wrong reason. This often happens when our mindset causes us to believe things that aren’t true.

Wasting Money

We tell ourselves that we can’t declutter because we’ve wasted so much money on all that stuff.

This is one, I understand only too well! My frugal self went through a lot of painful moments coming to grips with how much money I spent on stuff I didn’t use, love, or even want anymore.

Letting go of expensive things is particularly hard for me. But leaning to change my mindset made all the difference.

You see, the money was already spent, holding on to all that stuff was not going to magically bring that money back.

Just as important was realizing that everything we own costs us something. Whether it’s time, energy, or more money caring, storing, and maintaining all that stuff.

The truth is the longer you hang on the more all this stuff costs you.

Learning to make this mindset shift and letting go of all this stuff is a lesson well learned. Yes, it’s a painful lesson, but a valuable one nonetheless. When you make this mindset shift, you’ll make better decisions moving forward!

“Just in Case” Items

The next thing we hang onto for the wrong reasons is those “just in case” items.

These are the things we hold on to because “we might need them”. The clothes that no longer fit that you hold onto “just in case you lose that extra 10 pounds. The craft supplies that you have not touched in years, but you might need if you get a sudden urge to make sand art.

The six pairs of scissors, just in case you lose 5 pairs.

These are not things like emergency items such as extra batteries or drinking water. Rather, these are all the things we don’t use, but we hang on to “just in case”, we might someday need them.

The truth is this mindset comes down to the following:

Fear

We fear that if we get rid of something we won’t be able to have it when we need it and we won’t be able to replace it in the future. This is something I think we all struggle with to a certain extent.

You have to be honest with yourself about the likelihood of being able to replace the item in the future if you do need it. If you are on a very tight budget and struggling to scrape by, maybe you keep a few “just in case” items.

You can still put a limit on how much you’re allowed to save. You don’t need six pairs of scissors, but maybe you limit yourself to three pairs.

So much of our struggles with clutter is really just a matter of working on our mindset. When you declutter your home, you will inevitably have to work through some complicated emotions and think through the mindsets that are triggering these emotions. Don’t let emotions be your excuse. You can do this!