The One Change That Will Strengthen Your Relationships

I’ve asked this question before: “What is the single most powerful thing in the universe?”

The answer is… The spoken word! And this is never truer than when it comes to wanting to strengthen your relationships.

Most of us are aware that our words can have a powerful impact on ourselves and others. Our words can seriously complicate our relationships. In fact, they can do a lot of damage if spoken sharply or used unkindly.

On the other hand, they can also help to simplify and strengthen your relationships. You can use your words to transform someone’s day. A simple compliment or words of encouragement truly can be healing to the soul.

But, it’s not just the word we speak to others or ourselves, the words we speak about others have the power to fully strengthen our relationships with those individuals.

Our words are so powerful that they influence not just the person we’re speaking to, but also they influence our own thoughts and actions.

This is important for at least five reasons:

1. Your Words Direct Your Focus

First, a simple truth; you’re going to get more of what you complain about, that’s just the way it is. Why? because when we focus on the faults of the people in our lives and complain about them, we notice those faults more often.

It’s kind of like getting a new car. When you first get a new car all of a sudden you notice every other car that’s just like your new car. You never realized how popular your car was until you purchased it.

The reality is, it’s always had the same level of popularity, it’s just that your focus has shifted so that now you notice every car that’s just like yours.

Now, what do you think happens when mentioning to a friend over coffee how your son is too sensitive or too aggressive or mentioning how your husband never picks up his socks or bringing up a mutual friend’s bad habit? All of these put everyone’s focus on the negative.

Soon you’ll be constantly noticing the negatives in your relationships. If you keep this pattern up, eventually it’ll poison your relationships.

The good thing is that the opposite is also true. Notice the good things, verbally acknowledge them and your focus will switch so that you are regularly seeing the good. Acknowledging the positive traits of the people in your close relationships when your talking to them and about them actually gets you more of what you desire because you will notice more of those positive traits.

You see, it really does pay to be positive.

2. Mindset Is Everything

I’m willing to wager that the people in the relationships you care the most about, have some pretty great qualities. I know this because the relationship wouldn’t be important to you otherwise.

So let me ask you, is your mindset focused on these great qualities or something else? I ask because it’s important to realize that if you want successful relationships, your mindset plays a key role. Your mindset will direct and influence the words you speak about the significant others in your life.

To strengthen your relationships, start noticing what words you’re saying to others about the people in your life.

REMEMBER THAT YOU GET TO CHOOSE YOUR WORDS.

If your complaining about people in your important relationships it’s because you’ve decided to do so. You don’t have to fixate on anything that makes you unhappy to think about or that will give you a negative mindset.

Instead, choose to be intentional with your words. This means deciding ahead of time how you will speak positively of that person if you find yourself running into old habits. Make a plan. Consider writing a list of some of their best qualities and begin talking about them.

When you affirm positive qualities those qualities will become stronger because you’ve chosen to focus your mindset on the positive.

3. Your Words Solidify Feelings In Yourself

Because words are so powerful we have to make a choice. We can speak positively of those we care about or dwell on the negative. If we focus on the positive, eventually our attitude will match the words we are speaking.

In fact, if you start speaking well of someone, soon you start believing what you say. This then solidifies those positive feelings in yourself.

You see our brain expects things to happen based upon previous experiences. If your previous experience with a relationship in your life consists of positive statements about that person, your brain will expect a positive. You will see your people in a positive light it will strengthen your relationships.

All this just by watching the words you speak about others. We have a choice, we can notice the positive or dwell in the negative. If we focus on the positive, eventually our attitude will match the words we are speaking.

4. You Influence The Opinions Of Others

When you make a negative comment about the people in your important relationships, the person you’re speaking to only hears your side of the story. Often, they get upset along with you.

Not only that, but their advice will be based on their one-sided perspective. This of course, only leads to the making of rash decisions.

So it’s important to consider what you’re venting about before you have all your family or friends thinking poorly about someone you really do care about.

When you point out things that they previously didn’t pay attention to, they begin to notice those things. Before long they’re changing their thoughts to reflect what they’re now noticing. Rather than strengthening your relationships, all this does if further complicate them.

What’s even worse is the people you’re talking to may very well share that information. They might even try and talk with the other person in your relationship on your behalf or treat them differently.

Whether it’s your spouse, child, or friend when they find out you’ve been talking about them in a negative way it’s gonna crush them. After all, it can be devastating to believe that someone you love, thinks lowly of you.

I don’t think there’s much that’s more heartbreaking than knowing someone you love thinks negatively of you.

However, when others see you’re relationships are strong and happy, they’re more likely to think of you and the people you care about in a positive way. This leads us to the last point:

5. You Set An Example

People watch us a lot more than we realize.

When you speak highly of the people in your life, everyone is naturally more likely to trust you. But if, on the other hand, they hear you complaining about people you claim to care about, guess what they begin to wonder?

Yep, they wonder if you complain about them. They say to themselves “I wonder if she’s negative about me when I’m not present”.

But if people see you authentically praising those closest to you, they’ll want to follow you. You set an example. You show them, by your actions what it means to truly strengthen your relationships.

Cultivate a good habit by noticing the positive, whether it’s the way they look, something they’ve said, or something they’ve done.

Speak positively about the people in your life and watch how much you strengthen your relationships!